


How Steve Rogers Got His Groove Back

by asrewrites



Series: This One Time [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, First Dates, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Infatuation, Massage, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Sex Toys, Teacher-Student Relationship, Work In Progress, Workplace, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-09-19 13:34:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17002635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asrewrites/pseuds/asrewrites
Summary: Things are going along with teaching Steve Rogers about the new world he's found himself in. He's got some things to deal with and a real interest in getting to know you better.





	1. How Does a Super Soldier Call In Sick?

You had been told that super soldiers didn’t get sick, so it was a surprise when you got the message from a Doctor saying that Steve was restricted to quarters for the day and would not be attending class. It was possible any number of things had happened to him, but you decided that the best way to look at it was that he was sick. You liked Steve, and if he had some sort of bug that would explain his rushing out of the room the day before. It’s not that you had been left hanging about today. It was only 9 a.m. and you had already been informed your afternoon was free. Thinking that over you decided that you’d get Steve a care package drop it at his quarters, once you found out where they were, and move the planned activity for today to tomorrow.

You had no sooner knocked on Steve’s door then you felt that you shouldn’t be there. You were suddenly very nervous to see him, to explain why you were there. You had written a note and attached it to the care package before bringing it over. You had argued a bit with Tony over Steve’s address, but honestly, if he would guarantee that the package would get to Steve you would send it anywhere he said to. That loosed Tony up. He had told you, you would have to leave it at the front desk, but when you arrived the guards let you through and told you the floor and room you were looking for. You wondered if Steve had been expecting someone and that you had just been confused for that person. It wasn’t inconceivable that you were wasting your time giving Steve Rogers sex ed classes. No one seemed to know his level of experience and Steve himself hadn’t said anything, he seemed pretty uncomfortable sometimes but he was a good sport and seemed to relax out of any stress he felt. Or maybe he was just a really great actor.

You put the bag down, not hearing anything in the hall or from the behind the door. Maybe he was in the infirmary? You weren’t going to take this there, that was going too far considering the books and magazines that you had added to the care package. It was usually something you did on the last day of class, gave the students some erotic material to use as they wished and said goodbye. You knew it was possible that you wouldn’t see Steve again, that this was just a way for him to stop coming to class. If that’s what it was, then so be it, but at least you had given it your all. You knocked loudly on the door again before leaving.

You sent Steve an email that evening, letting him know where to find you if he was going to attend the final class Friday. There was usually one fly by the seat of your pants day in a lesson plan, you had plenty of time for Steve to ask questions during each meeting, but he hardly had any and they were never very in depth. He was cute about wanting to know about certain sex toys, but for the most part, there wasn’t a lot of quality discussion and you didn’t think that was going to change on the last day. Barring a sudden change in his personality you figured the safest way to end the lesson was with touch. As a massage therapist, you were trained to notice people’s movements and muscles. You could tell Mr. Rogers was in need of a good relaxing massage and that was probably the best thing that could offer him, without some awkwardness. Hell, Steve might even find that awkward but all you could do was offer.

You added your number to the email so that he could call to decline if he chose too. If you didn’t hear from him you were just going to have to wait and see if he would turn up or if there was another message from the doctor. It did bother you thinking there was something wrong with Steve. Since he hadn’t said anything to you, you hoped that he did have someone he could and would talk too. If there was one thing that you had noticed about Steve, it was that he was very self-contained. You couldn’t call it shut off or closed down, he wasn’t exactly either of those things but he was reserved and quiet.

You gathered your gear for the next day, packed it up and left it by the door for the morning, so you could take it with you when you left. You decided to put Steve out of your mind until tomorrow since there were many other things that you had to get done before you would see that man again.

The next day was busy. Three yoga classes, four meditation classes and about 40 minutes to set up the massage table and supplies before Steve was to come for his final class. You stole a quick shower because 3 yoga classes had wrung some sweat out of you and if you were going to be leaning close to someone, as you did when you gave a massage, then you didn’t want to smell bad. You kept telling yourself that you would have done the same for anyone who you were going to massage. Steve wasn’t special in that way. You were nervous about seeing him, but you were pretty sure it was just because you weren’t sure how he would react to the offer of a massage.

Steve walked in, hands in his pockets, looking confused and unsure about the room before him. He was wearing a white t-shirt and tan pants. It was interesting how high fashion his choice of comfortable clothes looked. He nervously ran a hand through his hair before gesturing to the table. It was already draped with towels, set up for the potential massage.

“This is a massage table, Steve.” You walked over and stood beside him. “I’m a massage therapist as well as a yoga instructor and such. I don’t know if there are any questions that you had to ask before we’re officially done with the classes, but I figured I’d offer you a massage as you look pretty tense and I know that S.H.E.I.L.D. doesn’t actually have any massage therapists on staff. I’m contracted to them for that purpose.”

You could feel Steve looking at you. He had crossed his arms when you stood beside him and they stayed in place as you spoke. You looked at him and he nodded thoughtfully. “What does it entail?”

“Well, depending on your comfort level, there are hand and foot massages that don’t require the table or for you to remove many clothes. A shoulder massage can be done with your shirt on, but it might not feel as good as it would without the shirt. A full body massage won’t feel good with those pants on, they’re a little loose and will not cooperate with the muscle manipulations. I know that from experience.”

“So I can have all of that?”

“Yes, you can start with one and work up to another if you like. Have you had a massage before?”

“I don’t think so if the table is anything to judge by.”

“Well, we can start small.” You pointed to the chair nearby and he went over and sat down. You reached out and took his hand, ignoring how he jerked it back slightly in surprise, and how he blushed and looked away as you began to massage his palm and wrist. Steve watched you warily, trying to understand why what you were doing felt so good. You moved slightly to the right and picked up a bottle of massage oil, handing it to Steve. “I can use this as well if you think you’d like that. Make sure there’s nothing in it that you are allergic to.”

Steve read the bottle then opened it and took a sniff. He closed the bottle and handed it back to you with a shrug. “I’m game to try it.”

You squeezed a dab onto the back of his hand and started working it into his skin. All along the back of his hand, out along his fingers and then turning his hand over and working it back down his fingers and across his palm to his wrist. He had strong, calloused hands, thick and long fingers with well-defined joints. His pulse was strong and steady and his skin warm under your touch. You put the one hand down and took the other, repeating the process with the oil.

Steve watched transfixed as your fingers travelled along his hands, kneading and rubbing his muscles, making him feel calm and excited at the same time. You watched yourself working and he watched too, occasionally looking at your face. He found such intense concentration there and he felt humbled that anyone would be putting so much effort into his well being. He was a bit shaken by how the thought of you working so hard to make him feel relaxed made him feel. It was exhilarating and erotic. Steve started to worry about how tempted he felt to pull you closer and kiss you. If there was one thing he remembered from the time he had spent with you it was that you thought conversation was key. He was lost in a swirling of thought, wondering how to ask if he could kiss you if you even wanted him to and didn’t hear you speak.

“Earth to Steve,” came your voice, breaking his reverie. “Did you want to continue with the hand massage, want to move onto an arm massage or a foot massage?”

You watched Steve blink at you slowly before he said anything. “I guess an arm massage?”

“Ok, we’ll have to move the chair out a bit so I can reach all the important areas without smothering you.” Steve’s eyes widened at that, and he stood. You stepped back and he pulled the chair forward to where you motioned. Once he had it there he sat back down and you stepped behind him. 

You put your hands on Steve and began to press. Steve tried desperately to not to tremble at your touch as he felt your fingers dance over his shoulder and down his arm. Your grip was firmer and your fingers tugged and rolled his thick muscles in ways that left Steve unsure if the sensations were more pleasure or pain. You kept telling him to breathe and he found that each time he did everything felt better. He started to concentrate on breathing and not so much on how close you were.

You didn’t ask him to take his shirt off, instead, you spread some massage oil across your hands and rubbed them together before sliding them up under his shirt sleeve and running your hands over his tense muscles. You worked steadily and Steve moved back and forth with the pressure you exerted on his body. He was breathing well, and his tension seemed to dissipate as you worked. You saw his head relaxing forward as you reached his hand and squeezed it gently. 

“Next arm.” You said moving back behind him and starting down the other arm. You could feel the difference in the muscles now, this arm was still tight and you were ready to work it into a suppler state. You could see Steve’s breathing deepening as you worked and were amazed that something so small could be so soothing to him. You were used to people falling asleep during full body massages, not during arm massages. The occasional head massage had put people out too, but this was a first. You worked that arm as fully as the other, reaching his hand you squeezed it and put it down on his thigh. He didn’t move. You were pretty sure he was sound asleep.

You leaned in and whispered. “Wake up Steve.”

His head snapped towards you and you found yourself looking into his blue eyes as you felt his breath flowing over your skin. You saw his eyes flicker from yours to your lips and back up. You saw him swallow and he blinked. You had placed your hand on his shoulder before you said anything, and when he turned his hand had come up and locked around your forearm. That hand now moved slowly up your arm, caressing your elbow slightly as it moved higher. You realized that you were moving slightly closer to each other as his breath became a hot breeze across your chin and his lips were hovering just in front of yours.

“Steve?” His hand was still moving up your arm, not pulling you in but not letting you go either. He stopped moving then, his eyes focusing on you fully and his breath stopped as he closed his mouth. He looked ashamed for a second then you continued. “Kiss me?”

If he had been backing off he wasn’t now. His other hand curled around your waist as his eyes fixed on your lips and he settled his lips over yours in a light peck. The hand he had on your arm snaked into your hair and cupped your head as you both held there, lips just touching enough to let you know the other person was really there. You press your lips just a bit closer to his and feel his breathing quicken. His hands flex against you and he presses his lips to yours repeatedly in chaste kisses that show he’s been wanting this. You match him peck for peck, not willing to vary too much in case he stops completely.

You had wondered about kissing Steve the first time you saw him nervously lick his lips. It wasn’t something you were proud of, he was your student. He still was. This had to stop, you didn’t want anyone accusing you of impropriety. You stepped back and Steve let you go. He kept his eyes closed as you watched him compose himself. When he looked up at you, you saw hurt and confusion in his eyes. He looked so dejected and his shoulders rounded down in defeat.

“We can’t do this now. I’m still your teacher until class ends today. People could see this as an abuse of power on my part.” You tried to explain, hoping that he would understand your meaning.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled looking at the ground. “I didn’t mean...”

He looked back up at you, a question on his face now. “Can I see you after class? Tonight, tomorrow, any day?”

His voice was so eager and hope barley flickered across his features as he looked at you. You felt a smile tug across your lips as you answered him. “Tonight would be great.”

He let out a big sigh and blushed as he looked down again, letting out a chuckle. “I can’t wait,” he said looking back up at you.

“So did you want more massage?” You looked up at him, wondering if dragging this out might be a bad idea or if letting Steve leave was the wiser thing to do. He stood up then, moving towards you. He stopped right in front of you and looked down into your eyes. He wasn’t sure that he had ever realized how tall you were before, or how your eyes sparkled.

“I have enjoyed our time together, but I think more massage would just be me taking advantage of you.” You quirked an eyebrow up at this statement and he chuckled and blushed. “I would love to have you touch me more, in a massage.” He added quickly. Looking so very intently at his feet.

“It’s ok, I understand. It’s been fun, Steve. I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yes, you will.” He didn’t move, he just straightened up and watched you as you walked over to your bag, pulled out a card and brought it over to him. 

“This is my card, all my numbers are on it. If you ever want to talk, just give me a call.”

Steve looked a bit confused, he read the card. It had email, phone, fax and a work address on it. He idly flipped it over noticing the handwritten note on the back. Your personal cell and home address. He quickly pocketed the card, knowing that you had anticipated giving him this information made him feel very good. He saw you smiling at him and his excitement rose.

“I promise I will call with any and all questions I may have. You are my only real friend here, and I don’t take that lightly. Friendship is everything to me.”

His voice was deep and low as he spoke, the look on his face sincere and it tugged at your heart. You weren’t going to look at him with pity, no matter how much your smart alec mind wanted to say poor Steve. You took a deep breath and looked him right in the eye. “I take friendship seriously too Steve. I’m glad you are my friend.”

He smiled brightly and held out his hand to you. You shook his hand and he squeezed yours lightly before turning to go. “Thanks for the massage. I’ve never felt anything so good, really.”

“Thank you. I rarely get such positive feedback. Most people focus on what they want to have more of or other things that are bothering them.”

“That sounds terrible and so true. Maybe tonight you can show me more massage?”

“That can be arranged.” You say slyly, winking at him. He blushes and smirks back at you. Turning to go, he stops and looks back. “Is it too early to go? Should I stay so people don’t talk?”

“You can go, we’ve been here an hour and a half or more,” You answer, checking your phone. “Actually over two hours now. No one is watching these classes, you could technically have left each of them right after walking through the door and the tracking system would still have shown that you attended. I just put a check in the box to show you got the lesson. You even attended yesterday because I took everything to you.”

“I do want to thank you for the soup and garlic bread. It was very sweet of you.”

“You are very welcome Steve. Hopefully, some of the reading material was of interest as well?”

“It was different then what I’m used to, but there were a few things I kept to look at later. Thank you.” He said and his voice dripped with sincerity. He turned and left then. His shoulders were squared but relaxed, he seemed less tense and more free flowing then he had when he entered. It crossed your mind that you two hadn’t settled on a time for tonight. Almost as soon as you thought that you shrugged, deciding that it didn’t matter that much. Steve had your contact information and if he stayed true to his behaviours he would call before he came around.


	2. Getting to the Date On Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some internal conflict, Steve takes you up on your offer.

Steve has all your contact information in his pocket. He's currently sitting on his bed, unable to move. He isn’t sure that he can go through with meeting you, even though he agreed to. It'd taken all of his self-control not to grab you and have his way with you, even as he was leaving his body and mind were at war with one another. Now he's safely locked away with his urges and he’s not sure that seeing you again is the best way to sort this all out. He lays back on his bed and covers his face with his hands, he groans. How had it gotten this far?

Then he recalls the feel of your lips, the heat of your body and the softness of you leaning into him as your lips matched his press for press. He sits up, knowing that he has no right to want more but that he does and you are waiting for him. He picks up his phone and dials your number, mentally arguing with himself that he should hang up and leave you alone. You don’t deserve to be dragged into his life. He's 70 years gone from this world, and the love of his life, the woman he had wanted more than anything; well she was not interested in rekindling anything with him. He still wanted her, but she had refused him several times over, being an older lady and having lived her life she said he had a right to his. And now his desires were fixed on you. You weren’t saying no and he wasn’t sure why.

“Hello?” Your voice comes over the line. Steve takes a deep breath and smiles.

“Hello, it’s Steve. I was just wondering when you wanted to meet tonight.”

“Hi, Steve.” You say brightly, he can almost see the smile he hears in your voice. He's feeling much better about things already. Now all he has to do is keep himself in control. You chat for a bit and decide that seven is the best time to meet. Steve knows that's less than an hour, but he doesn’t really have much time to prepare. He shaves every day, though he can remove the stubble that's coming in. He can shower and change and still be at your door early. He starts moving, getting ready to meet you. He's excited and he doesn’t want to keep you waiting. He finds himself whistling as he showers and shaves.

He pulls on a blue shirt and tan pants again. He doesn’t have a wide variety of clothes that haven’t been supplied by S.H.E.I.L.D. It seems someone there really likes him in tan pants and button downs or t-shirts. He's going to get some other clothes soon, Tony was sniffing around about a shopping trip and although Steve knows it will mostly be a trip for Tony, that won’t stop him from getting some things for himself. He's a master at taking advantage of the situations he finds himself in nowadays, mostly because most people don’t expect too much of him. They all seemed to believe that he's naive, and that also leads them to think he's inept in social situations. He lets that work to his advantage, picking up information here and there and finding ways to use it to his advantage. The benefits of people thinking you are a dumb jock / blunt instrument is that they often forgot that you have eyes and ears and can think for yourself.

He splashes on some cologne and looks himself over in the mirror. He picks up a few of the condoms you had given him that first day when you had talked about safe sex and STIs. What had stuck with him most was that it was everyone’s responsibility to make sure there were options for protection. Things might not get that far, but he wasn’t going to take the chance that he might miss out on something because he didn’t put some rubbers in his pocket. He lets a wave of loss wash over him as he remembers Bucky telling him something very similar years before. He shakes his head to clear away the guilt and walks out of his rooms, heading for your place.

Steve manages to get to your place so quickly that he has 10 minutes to spare. He feels it's bad form to show up at your door that early so he waits by the elevator instead. He paces back and forth, wondering what he's going to say when he sees you. It won’t be polite to just grab you and have his way with you, but the thought crosses his mind at least 50 times a second as he waits for the minutes to pass. He knows there's no shame in being excited to see you, to restart what you'd been doing in the massage room; but it's still impolite to him to be too early. He can wait a bit. He can be a gentleman for you.


	3. Start Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First dates, first times, how do you start a relationship with the man out of time?

When he had just five minutes to go he stepped to your door and knocked. He heard you call out and he could hear your steps as you walked to the door. He wasn’t sure that he was ready for you to open the door, but then you were there beaming up at him and he felt his breathing stop. You were dressed simply in a tank top and yoga pants; it was almost what you wore earlier but the colours were different. He felt desperately overdressed and wasn’t so sure that he was at all ready for the next thing that came. You reached out and took his hand and pulled him into your apartment.

Steve felt the electricity roll from your hand to his. It shot up his arm and spread through his body. He’s comforted and excited at the same time. He stared at your lips, he knew he must look like a starved man but all he could think about was kissing. He stepped closer toward you and and you moved towards him. Within seconds you both had wrapped your arms around the other and your lips crashed together hotly. The kisses were all teeth and need that gradually slowed until you were both just a whisper apart, holding back from the magnetic pull of each other through some force of will.

Steve looked at you, your eyes were half closed but there was a smirk on your face. “Tell me what you want Steve.” 

The words sound like a purr and hit him like a wave and made his breath catch. Your fingers tugged at the little hairs at the back of his neck and he vibrated with excitement. He couldn’t think, could barely move, all he knew was the need that pushed speech from his mind. Your breath flowed over his lips, warmed his face and you waited for a response. It seemed like an eternity before his voice worked and he growled out a response. “Teach me. Please.”

“What do you want to learn Steve?”

The sound of his name as it dripped from your lips sent shock waves through him. He had never experienced anything like this before and he didn’t want it to stop. He ran his hands over your sides and took a deep breath trying to find the right words. His thoughts came out as a whimper. “Everything. It’s been so long since I had anyone this close to me. Don’t let me go.”

He pressed his lips to yours and you sighed before you pulled him closer and worked his lips with yours. Steve held you tighter and kissed longer until his lungs forced him to seek air. He broke away from you breathing deeply as you cupped his face in your hands. He looked at you and your eyes seemed to burn with desire, your traced your thumb over his lower lip and pulled it down a bit. You leaned in and took that lip between yours, nibbled on it and pulled it out. He grabbed your hips to keep you from breaking away from him. You leaned in and slid your tongue into his mouth. He shuddered and moaned at the contact, such a new and wonderful sensation and he couldn’t get enough. He chased your tongue with his own as he pulled you as close as he could get you.

You wrapped your hands in his shirt, fisting them close to the collar while you pulled him backwards with you. Steve wasn't sure what happened until he bumped into something low and somewhat soft. He took a quick look and saw the couch as you turned and pushed him into it. You straddled his lap and the contact between your lap and his made him groan and clamp his hands onto your hips. You moved slightly and chased his mouth and Steve stopped breathing with the sensation that flooded him. If things felt this good with all these clothes, he wasn’t going to make it to being naked; and more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life he wanted to be naked with you.

You moved again and Steve gasped. The kiss broke and you moved back to look at him. “Are you ok?” Steve knew his heart was racing and his breath was ragged but he had never felt more alive. He nodded at you with a smile before taking your mouth over with his. He remembered how it felt to kiss Peggy, how he had wanted that and how he wanted this now with you too. This was so very different than his kiss with Peggy. He knew then that he didn’t love you like he’d believed he loved Peggy and felt he still did to this day, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that you were here and willing, that you were soft and warm and accepting. God how he needed that.

You pushed him back into the couch, leaned into his chest while you continued your lip lock. When air became vital again, you trailed your lips across his chin and cheek, nibbled his earlobe and down his neck. Steve knew he was shaking but he couldn’t help it. Just the little nips, the licks as you moved to his shirt collar drove him wild. He’d never spent this much time with a woman or had one sitting in his lap this long. Your smell, your warmth and softness and the heat that was rising between the two of you clouded his mind and overrode his senses. He knew he was hard, harder then he knew he could be. A memory of someone saying a man could die if he didn’t get off crossed his mind and he knew why someone might feel that way about this kind of stimulation, but he knew he wasn’t going to die. If you stopped now and nothing further happened, if you made him leave, he’d still be unbearably happy. 

Steve smiled so widely at that thought he felt his facial muscles twitching from the strain. You looked back at him then and smiled before you started across his other cheek to his ear lobe, with hot kisses, sucks and nips. He sighed and tried to move you back to his lips, he'd partially succeeded but your lips stopped by his ear as you whispered. “Take your shirt off.”

Steve pushed up and pulled his shirt out of his pants, he undid a couple of buttons and then the cuffs before he pulled the entire thing off over his head. Your hands were at his waist as you watched him, he saw you bite your bottom lip as you looked over his naked torso. He wondered what he looked like to you. You hadn’t known him before Captain America, even still, you didn’t treat him any differently than anyone else he had seen you interact with. That didn’t make it any less odd to him, that all you knew about him was what he looked like now. If he was still tiny and frail would you be with him like this? He shook that thought off as your lips found his nipple and started to suck on it. All thought fell out of his head and need took over.

He groaned and picked you up, turning so that he had you below him on the couch cushions as he retook your mouth and pulled you to him as tightly as he could while still letting you breathe. You giggled and squirmed against him, sending pleasure shooting through him as your movements pressed against his throbbing cock. He pressed himself into your heat and you ground against him. You nipped at his tongue and lips as he lost his place in the kiss. He moaned as you moved against him, again making him quake and grunt as his hips instinctively thrust towards you. You smiled against his cheek and murmured. “Easy fella.”

Steve chuckled at that, coming back to himself slowly. You pushed him up into a sitting position, sitting opposite him on the couch and took off your shirt, revealing that you weren’t wearing a bra. Steve could see the red lines where the elastic in the top had dug into your skin and he set about stroking and kissing the lines to soothe them. You whimpered as his lips caressed you, then you pulled his hands up to your breasts and encouraged him to fondle them. Steve is speechless, your breasts were so soft yet firm. They give under his hands but bounce back, your nipples are hard peaks against his palms and your breathing changed as his hands moved. He lowered his mouth to a nipple, putting his lips around it gently before he sucked slightly. He enjoyed the noises you made as he worked his mouth across one nipple and then the other.

You grabbed his hair and dragged his mouth back to yours, leaning into him and Steve did his best to fold back to the couch so you were above him. He moved you easily and repositioned his legs, then settled you over him with very little trouble. Your hands started in on his pants and Steve was suddenly nervous. How far was he going to go with you, it was your first date, if you could call this make-out session a date. He took your hands in his and stopped you from pulling his pants open.

“Steve?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just. We didn’t do things like this so quickly before and..” He trailed off, blushed and confused about what to say as you looked at him evenly.

“We can stop if you’re not comfortable.”

“What about you? Aren’t you worried that I won’t respect you in the morning? That I’m just using you?”

“Steve, you’re so sweet,” you said as you captured his chin and turned his face to look at you. “If anyone is getting used here it’s both of us. It’s been a while for me and I know it’s been a while for you. If you didn’t respect me you wouldn’t even be asking these questions. I’m fine with what we’re doing, I’m fine with stopping and I’m really fine with going all the way.” You waggled your eyebrows at him to emphasize your point.

Steve let out a deep breath and smiled shyly. He didn’t know why you were like you were, but he’s thankful that you’re so open and accepting. You smiled at him, waiting for him to decide how much further he was going to go. He wanted it all but he also just wanted to hold you. He ran his hands up your sides and you shivered under his touch. He moved forward and pulled you closer as he kissed your neck, sucking and nipping as you did to him. He pulled you down with him as he laid back on the couch, moaning as you rolled your hips on his pelvis. One of his hands grabbed your ass while the other cupped your head as he fitted his lips to yours and pushed his erection up between your legs. He felt your body react and swallowed your gasp as you started to move against his pressure.


	4. The Captain Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favourite student learns his lesson. Being hot for teacher teaches him some satisfying things.

Steve felt his body reacting, knew that it was all instinctual and he let himself go with it. Everything became a blur of hot lips, sighs, hands and gasps. Steve had never felt this good in his life, there was barely a coherent thought in his head beyond yes and more. He felt you take his hand and it registered that you were sliding it down your chest, down your stomach and into your pants and underwear. He gasped, breaking your kiss and looking to his hand as you guided his fingers down and around, pushing them against your warm wetness. He glanced back at you and saw the lazy smile and your heavily lidded eyes. You moved your hips and his fingers slid deeper between your folds. You were so slick and his mind is spun. You moved his hand back out of your pants and he looked at it closely. He was entranced by the sheen on his fingers, he sniffed them and the scent made his cock twitch. He couldn’t resist tasting the gloss and he wasn’t disappointed by the sweet saltiness he tasted. 

He had no idea that you could taste so good, and he wanted to drink deep of that flavour. He wanted to see it drip from you and let the scent of your sex drown him in delight. You sat up and looked down at him, a wicked grin spread across your face as you did. “Take me to bed, Steve.”

Steve sat up then, grabbed you as gently but as tightly as he could, and lifted you both off the couch in a fluid movement. He stood, but realized he didn’t know where to go. You laughed and pointed to show him where the bedroom was. In a few steps he had you both in another room, you hit the light switch as he stepped through the doorway and the bed and surroundings came into view. Steve strode to the bed and placed you down on it. You moved back and took off your remaining clothes as Steve stood and watched. He couldn’t have moved if he wanted to, the sight of you taking off your pants, the little smile on your face and the way you tongue peeked out of the corner of your mouth as you shimmied and swayed on the bed as you pulled your pants and underwear off. You tossed the items aside and laid back on the bed, spreading your legs.

You were not shy at all and Steve marvelled at how comfortable you were with all of this. He felt as if he were somehow dreaming. That any second he would wake up to find he hadn’t left to meet you yet. He knew he had never seen or done anything like this in his life, so if it was a dream it was vastly different from any he had ever experienced and he didn’t want it to end. He watched as you cupped a breast and slid your other hand between your legs. The look on your face was so blissful that Steve couldn’t look away. He struggled out of the rest of his clothes while he watched your fingers stroke your folds and breasts. Your lips parted as you panted and moaned his name and Steve surged forward onto the bed. He Covered you with his body, claimed your mouth and trapped your lower hand under his own. 

“Show me,” he growled against your mouth and you smirked.

Your hand moved over his, warm and wet, and lead his fingers to the place where yours had just been. You turned your face so your mouth was at his ear, your other hand raked through and tugged his hair to keep his face in place. Your hand took his fingers to a small mound and passed them gently over it in small circles. You gasped in his ear and he could feel your body as it trembled in response to the things you showed him. 

“That’s my clit.” You mumbled and you passed his fingers back and forth along it, up and down and back around. He tried to pay attention to the movements and the pressure you were using but you shuddered and whimpered and it distracted him.

Steve let you take his hand down further, you turned it so his fingers went down and his palm pressed on your clit. You pushed his fingers down into your folds and he felt the dampness increase. 

“This is my vagina,” you said as you moved his fingers over the opening to your body that was bathed in your arousal. Steve moved his fingers forward, stretching and turning them, trying to gauge the size of you against what he knew of himself. He found it impossible to decide if he would or wouldn’t hurt you as your body moved against him and your opening stretch to let his fingers in. He was taken aback by the way you felt, tight and hot but pliable. You moaned and moved as you pushed yourself down on his fingers and he felt his hand shake as you breathed his name.

Your hand gripped his wrist and you told him to bend his fingers slowly inside you. You jerked and told him to do that again. Steve brushed the spot again and your body surged around him, your warmth squeezed against him as you made the most obscene and erotic noises he had ever had the pleasure to cause. He heard you mutter “More.” and moved his fingers again and again as you bucked against him. Your muscles tensed and gripped around his fingers. He kissed and nipped your neck while he moved his palm against your clit with small roll of his wrist. You gasped and your nails dug into his wrists and back. He didn’t mind the pain as he moved his palm and fingers again and again. 

He wasn’t prepared for the way your body shifted when your orgasm came. The sudden wetness across his hand, the way you swore and your insides pulsed against his fingers. If he moved your voice would change pitch and your body responded with more tremors and jerks. You breathed fast and hard and you arched into him and repeated his name along with curses and prayers. He stopped his hand even though you continued to move against him, he let you use him for your pleasure and hoped that he was giving you all that you needed while not hurting you.

“You’re a fast learner Steve.” You said a few minutes later. Steve looked up at you and you both smiled. You looked positively gorgeous, half-lidded eyes, plush red lips, pink in your cheeks as you looked at him. You rubbed your hands over the areas your nails had bit into his skin, as you worked to steady your breath. Steve moved his hand from your relaxed core, noting the small tremble you gave and the hiss as his digits came free. He stroked his hand over your side and trailed the remnants of your finish over your skin. He bent down and licked it off of you and relished your sigh as his lips brushed across your skin.

“My god Steve, you’re so hard,” you marvelled as you felt his cock as it bumped your thigh. “Can I touch you?” Steve stilled at that question. He glanced up at you and found you biting your lip as you watched and waited for his answer. He couldn’t speak so he nodded and shifted within reach of your waiting hand. You were gentle, your fingers barely a whisper of feeling as they passed over his cock. He could almost believe that you were not going to touch him, just let him feel your warmth and nearness. When your hand closed around him he made the most obscene noise and pushed himself forward as he followed your movement.

You chuckled and looked at him, your hand firmly around his cock. Steve wanted friction, wanted you to keep moving, wanted so badly to let go and lose himself to you. “Roll over Steve.” He blinked at you then did as he was told. Once on his back, you moved between his legs and scratched your nails down his thighs. He watched as you leaned forward until your face was parallel to his erection. He tried to watch as you licked his cock and pressed hard on it with your tongue while you hummed. But the sensation overpowered him and his eye closed as his body shook with delight. He took a shaky breath and opened his eyes to see you hovering over his cock. You grasped it and brought it to your lips, kissed the tip and swirled your tongue over it.

Your touch, your breath and your nearness made him dizzy. He was losing control and his hips rose and pushed his cock into your lips. You opened your mouth and let him slide into the warm wetness. He grunted when you sucked hard and pulled your mouth away. “You like that?”

Steve nodded, barely able to look at you and he wanted to look at you. Wanted to drink in the savage grace you displayed as you pumped him with your fist. You radiated lust and power and he wanted you to own him with your mouth, your hand, your cunt. Any and all of it, for as long as you wanted. As if you read his mind you moved up and kissed him, it was fierce and full of need. He clutched at you while he tried to contain the feelings that flooded through him. He dragged his hands over you and enjoyed your skin on his, the electricity that flowed between you left him intoxicated.

You leaned to the side and he heard a crinkle. He saw you tear open the condom wrapper just before you moved back and grasped his cock again. You rolled the condom down, slowly and it made him twitch and squirm. You smirked at him as the condom stopped unrolling. I stopped just short of the base of his cock and balls. With a wink, you tugged his balls and watched him jerk in response. He groaned and tried to watch as you switched into a kneeling position across his hips. You held his cock up and he gasped as he saw you lower yourself onto his erection. It was a slow progression, you teased him by sliding down then up then down again and again and again; all the while with such a wicked grin on your face.

Steve clawed at the sheets, not sure what to do with his hands. He wanted to force you down on him, to sink into you completely and feel your warm wetness hold him as it had his fingers; but something told him this torture was better. When you were about past the midpoint of your journey down his cock Steve felt your walls tighten and heard you gasp. Your head fell back slightly and he brought his hands to your hips to steady you as it seemed you might fall. Your head rolled back and you fixed your eyes on him and licked your lips lasciviously. You put your hands over his on your hips and pressed yourself down.

Steve felt your thighs tremble as you meet his pelvis. He couldn’t believe he was fully inside you, but there was no denying that he could feel your body spread out over him as it held him inside your warmth. He didn’t want anything more, couldn’t think of anything better until you started to move. Just a slight roll of your hips and then you leaned forward and bit his chest, licked and kissed him before you suckled a nipple and you rolled your hips again and he felt his fingers as they dug into your hips. His breathing was ragged, he had started to sweat as his body fought to feel more and he tried to control that need. You sighed and sat back, his cock slid in and out of you as you arched your back and moaned. Your pace quickened and Steve swore. So many curses flew from his lips and then it was your name that fell off his lips again and again.

You moved faster then slower which pulled grunts and moans from him. It made him thrash and gasp. You rode him like you knew exactly how he would react as you chanted his name and praised him. He was so far gone he couldn’t have held back if he wanted to. He felt his ass clench and his hips shot up. An animal noise came out of him and he plunged into you again and again as his orgasm tore through him like a beast being set free. He sat up and grabbed onto you in an effort to keep the beast from hurting you. You pulled him into your chest and gripped his hair as you moved with him. You cried out his name and he felt your body tighten and you came. Your cunt squeezed his cock and you writhed together. It was all heat and sweat. The smell of sex was heavy in the air as Steve held you as you both slowed and finally rested against each other.

“A-a-a-are you alright?” Steve stuttered it out as he cupped your face and leant back a bit to look at you. You smiled and ran your hands over his. You blinked lazily at him and kissed his palm.

“That was amazing Steve. Are you ok?”

Steve took a deep breath. Aside from feeling incredibly tired, he felt better then he believed he ever had. You moved slightly and his cock slipped free of you. Your hand captured his cock and rolled the condom off before you leaned to the side and dropped it into the trash can he could just see the edge of. You sat back up and stroked his hair as you kissed his face. Steve moved and covered your lips with his own, pouring his thanks into the kiss as he pulled you down over him. “I’m so tired but I don’t want to let you go.”

“It’s ok Steve.” You said as you pulled a blanket over the both of you and laid your head on his chest. He felt your heart beat against his chest and was amazed at how his heart soon seemed to sync with yours as he started to drift off to sleep. He was safe and comfortable. Two things he hadn’t felt for too many years to count. He thought he would have to find some way to repay you for your kindness. He was sure that even if he tried he could never fully repay you or explain just what this had meant to him, but he was determined to try. He slipped into the darkness of slumber with a smile on his face and contentment in his heart.


	5. Before the Avenger Assembled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a sexcation that gets interrupted when duty calls. 
> 
> ***This is where our story gets movie canon divergent.

Steve had slept soundly after your sexual encounter. You had napped, but got up and made a snack in the kitchen. He had been so eager and able, you were impressed with his stamina and restraint. You were sure that that man could throw you down, tear your clothes off and fuck you silly if he wanted; but he had been patient and took direction without qualms. Maybe it was a soldier thing, but you suspected it had more to do with Steve’s character than anything else.

It had started to bother you that you didn’t know him that well. Maybe he would wake up and walk out, maybe he would want more and still creep out before morning, or possibly you had just earned yourself a groupie who wouldn’t go away when whatever this was, had run it’s course. You sighed a bit and finished your snack as you looked at the bedroom door. He was a beautiful man, powerful but thoughtful. You knew that he was sincere when he asked you to teach him, but now you weren’t certain what he needed to learn.

You heard the bed move and froze. You waited to see if he was coming out, but when no one appeared you shrugged. He must have rolled over. You wondered how weird this new life must be for him, frozen for so long, everything he had known gone and replaced with other things. You weren’t sure that you would be doing so well in similar circumstances and that was what you liked most about him, he took everything in and still had a sense of wonder. He could have been so jaded and maybe he was, he just kept it inside. Maybe he would let you get to know him, really get to know him, that was your real hope.

You cleaned up the last of your food, plated a pb&j sandwich for him and wrapped it in plastic so it wouldn’t dry out. You turned off the lights and headed back to your room with the sandwich and a glass of water. You put them on the nightstand closest to him, he was now lying on his stomach slightly tangled in the sheets, his face towards the edge of the bed you stood at. You caressed his cheek as he slept. He looked so peaceful with the usual tension on his face almost invisible. He looked so young and innocent. He smiled as you stroked his cheek and it made you feel good to know he was happy.

You moved away and turned off the remaining lights before you slid back into bed and curled into his side. He was so warm, like most men he ran hotter than you so you weren’t worried about freezing if he stole all the blankets as long as he was close. You fell asleep fairly quickly, it had been a long day and you were totally exhausted and so very satisfied.

When you woke up you saw him as he sat on the edge of the bed, you heard him breathing and realized he was chewing. He’d found the sandwich you left him. Not wanting to interrupt him you scooted out of bed and went straight to the bathroom. You were in and out in minutes to find him waiting there for you. He was on his side and he you saw him smile as the lights went out. You had barely laid back down when he pulled you to him. Once he had your back flush against his chest he sighed and kissed your neck. He had both of his arms wrapped around you and raised one leg to rest along the top of yours. He nuzzled against your hair and breathed deeply.

“Is this alright?”

“It’s wonderful Steve.”

He stroked your hair while he held you in his embrace. You started to drift off when his lips met your neck again. His breath ran over your shoulder and down your chest as he moved his hand and cupped your breast. He moved and you felt his hard length slide across your ass. You felt your cunt tighten and knew you were getting wet just thinking he might want to fuck you, even though he hadn’t said a word. You reached a hand up and ran it along his thigh, he shivered under your touch and he turned your head and fit his mouth to yours. The kiss was simple, almost a question and you answered it back with a definite yes as you slid your tongue over his lips until they parted and his tongue found yours.

The need between you increased as the kiss deepened and he groaned and moved against you. You pushed back against him with a quick grind of your hips. He rolled back and you heard a crinkle, he had made plans then and prepared a condom within easy reach. It was nice that he was so thoughtful. He managed to get the condom on quickly and you ran your hand slightly behind his checking his work as it were. He shuddered and pushed you back to your side so he was again flush behind you. 

He lifted your leg, hitched it over his and moved his free hand over your torso as he pulled you closer and shifted you until you felt his cock push against your entrance. You ran one hand around your hips and grabbed at his back and ass as he sank into you. He moved his hand from your stomach so that his fingers could find and rub your clit. You felt your breath hitch as the sensation of him inside you as his fingers slid across your clit combined and built up. This time things happened more quickly, which was hotter and needier.

Steve held you close, not so tightly that you couldn’t breathe but tight enough that you couldn’t really move. He plunged in and out of you and rubbed your clit in time with his thrusts. He was breathing hard and he worked you harder, you didn’t know that sex could feel so heavenly so quickly. His need overtook you and you went with him down the spiral of pleasure. Steve was insistent and meticulous. You came quickly as he pumped in and out of you, and he kept moving, still hard and needy. You were about to come again when he started to falter, his grip loosened and you moved against him as you tried to get both of you off.

It was the whine that surprised you, he bucked and sputtered and this low noise started. You ground against him shamelessly, feeling ready to burst but intent on making him come. He tried to resist your movements. That’s what the sound was. He was holding back as best he could and he failed as your own orgasm broke loose. Steve held you tightly to his chest and you felt his release take hold, it combined with yours in intense pleasure that you hadn’t felt before. He huffed heavily in your ear and you realized that he’d bitten into your shoulder at some point as you felt an ache where his mouth had been.

You relaxed against him, his breath was ragged and his arms, still like iron. surrounded you. You could feel his heart as it hammered against your back and knew he was lost in his own intensities. When he could he would relax and you would be able to turn to him and hold him close as you felt compelled to do. It seemed a long time before you felt Steve’s grip change as it loosened. You tried to move but he grabbed you tightly again.

“Come on Steve,” you chuckled. “I just want to hold you back.” You felt him nod against your hair but he didn’t let go right away. When he loosened his grip again he moved down, sliding free of your cunt and you turned into his chest. His arms wrapped around you and his lips found yours in a searing kiss. He moved a leg over you and pulled you as close as he could get you to his form. The kiss slowed as your heart beats and breath did, soon he nuzzled comfortably into your hair and kissed the crook of your neck as you kissed his.

“I’m so glad I met you. You have no idea how much I needed this. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Steve. It really was my pleasure.” You murmured, a smile crossed your lips as you kissed his neck again and stroked his hair. He sighed and let out a small laugh.

“I should thank you. For trusting me, for making me feel so welcome. Not just here and now, but the entire time we’ve known each other. You’re a very special person and I hope we will stay friends, for a long time.”

It surprised you and stung a bit to hear him speak like that. As if he assumed that you had no reason to treat him like a person, to want to spend time with him. You pressed yourself closer as you tried to reassure him physically that he was important as you spoke. “Steve, it would be an honour to call you my friend. I’m here anytime you need me, for anything.”

“Anything?” He mumbled, his voice deepened and his body pressed into yours.

“Yes, even sex. Unless we meet other people. I don’t really like to share my lovers. It gets messy and uncomfortable.”

“I promise that I have no intention of sharing you with anyone. I like having you all to myself.”

Steve kissed you then, deep and slow. He rolled you until you were under him and he continued to hold your mouth hostage to his sweet sensual ministrations. His hands roamed across your skin, kneading your breasts, then heading south to your clit. He pulled your legs up and pressed himself against you, not pushing in he just slid his growing hardness across your dampened folds as he teased your clit with his cock tip and fingers. He’d already become able to read you like a book and found all the best ways to touch you, to kiss you and made you feel so alive that your body hummed with his touch.

Soon he had you worked into a frenzy. Your back arched and your nails raked over his back and sides as he tormented you with his slow and deliberate movements. His kiss didn’t let up, only grew in strength as he worked your body and you squirmed against him as you needed more contact. You grabbed his ass and pulled him towards you. His thick, hard cock slid across your skin and you groaned in frustration. You tried again to get him inside you, but you had no better luck. He released your lips slightly, he was growing impatient as well. “I can’t reach the condoms.”

You didn’t care, you grunted and pressed your hands firmly into his ass. “I’m clean Steve. I can’t have kids either, so if you’re clean we can skip it if you’re ok with it.”

Steve paused what he was doing and looked down at you. You saw that thing you hated to see, sadness. He had heard what you said about kids and was sad for you. Those four little words had killed many a relationship for you in the past and you could see it made a difference here and now but all you wanted was to come. “Steve.” You breathed the plea, you needed him to make a choice.

“I’m clean? I don’t have anything that you can catch.”

“Good Steve. Fuck me ok? Make me scream.”

Steve didn’t need to be asked twice. He moved his hand from your clit and lined his cock up with your entrance. He pushed against you and you arched into him. It was such an intense feeling of fullness, you almost couldn’t breathe. Once he was totally flush with you, he moved his hand back to your clit and started to stroke the sensitive area in time with his trusts. He moved slowly as he brought you to the edge. He easily tipped you over and to your surprise, he came with you. You whispered and moaned his name and he responded with yours. He lavished your mouth with his burning kisses and held you so gently you weren’t sure that you weren’t dreaming that this happened. You fell asleep twined together, sated and relaxed.

When you woke in the morning you saw Steve as he gazed down at you. He smiled and stroked your hair. He kissed you and asked if you wanted breakfast. He wanted to run out and get something for the both of you to enjoy in bed. It was a delightful offer that you gladly accepted after you told him where the nearest coffee and breakfast place was. Steve went out to get the food and you took a quick shower and brushed your teeth. It was a silly thing to do before eating, but you had no intention of kissing him with the morning breath you felt festering in your mouth before you brushed. 

He returned quickly and smiled at you in your bathrobe as you lounged in the bed as you waited for him. He got undressed again and peeled you out of your robe before he would let you touch the food or coffee. You relaxed against him as you sipped your coffees, you both let out contented sighs and laughed. It was a warm and easy way to start the day. You ate and traded factoids about one another. It was fun to share your likes and dislikes, your lives, your pasts. As you talked you could feel as Steve relaxed more, it was almost perfect until he asked you about not being able to have kids admission you had made the night before.

“Is that true, or?”

“Was I lying?”

“Maybe you’re on the pill or something and that’s what you meant.” Steve looked upset that you would think poorly of him.

“I’m not on any kind of birth control Steve. I can’t have kids. I’ve been poked, prodded and tested to the ends of the earth but the basic fact is I caught something when I was a kid and it made me infertile. I had no way of knowing that I caught the infection, it was accidentally caught and treated but the damage was done.”

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said as he pulled you to him and hugged you tightly. You were relieved that he didn’t ask for more information as it had been hard enough to tell him as much as you had. “I’m glad you could tell me.”

“I don’t like to talk about it really,” You said with a bitter laugh. “I was shocked that I said anything last night, I just wanted to be fucked so badly I had no tact I guess.”

Steve squeezed you tightly, “It gives me chills when you say that.”

“What?”

“Fucked.” You looked up at Steve and saw his blush. “I swear you said it like 200 times during that first class and it stuck in my head. Your voice saying that word kept me awake for days.”

“Really?”

Steve nodded and you couldn’t help but smile at his admission. He looked so bashful and his blush deepened as you watched. “I do hear people swearing, all the time really. But for some reason, the way you say it. It does things to me.”

You leaned up and kissed him, biting his lip quickly and teasing your tongue across his before you whispered “Fuck, Steve.”

Steve groaned and lunged at you. He pinned you down and kissed you harshly, biting at your lower lip before he tackled your tongue with his. You wrapped your legs around his hips and locked your heels and slipped your arms around his chest as you pulled yourself against him tightly. You giggled as he pushed back from the bed, his body seemed to have no issue with your added weight, and you both hovered above the mattress until you bit his neck with a sensual moan and licked the spot wetly before you dragged your tongue up to his ear.

“Fuck me, Steve,” you purred, and he did as you asked, repeatedly, for the next three days. Steve only left because Tony appeared at your door determined to rescue Steve from the hostage situation he was sure he was going to find at your apartment. Tony was in his full Ironman gear, and you were pretty certain that he had not broken the door in because he knew that it was your home. Tony took off his faceplate to talk to you both when you let him in, and he gave you the stink eye at first, but he smiled and winked to you as he left with Steve in tow. He sent you a text minutes later thanking you for loosening up the Captain. 

You had a hard time thinking of Steve as Captain America, and you were certainly never going to call him Captain unless he asked you to. You wondered how long it would be before you saw or heard from Steve again, especially since Tony had come by dressed for battle. You were suddenly worried about both of your friends, and that didn’t change when five days later New York was attacked.


	6. Bring It On Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve comes back after saving the planet.

When New York was attacked you were at home. Luckily enough you lived in an area that wasn’t very impacted by invasion, but like most, you got involved in helping out those who weren’t as fortunate. It was a long day and a few more after that were coming, but you managed. You knew people were sharing their places, your building had had people sleeping in the halls on some floors, but your floor had none as there was a partial wall missing and that made it too cold. There were no people in the on your couch or floors. You wanted to do more but you wanted a little space. 

The news was alive with Tony and Steve, the Avengers saving the day. You were worried for your friends, anxious about what this would do to Steve who was just getting used to the world and now was saving it. You had turned off the news because it terrified you to know that Steve was being tossed around like that, that he was being hurt to protect other people and there was nothing that you could do for him.

You were lying in bed trying not to think about what could have happened, about how badly hurt people you knew were when you heard a clunk. You worried briefly if someone or something was collapsing in the building when you heard knocking. You hurried to the door and tried to figure out who could be out there when you heard a groan that sounded a lot like Steve. You practically ripped the door open to see if it was Steve. 

The shield practically kneecapped you when the door swung open and it fell forward from where it had been placed. You heard a grunt and there was Steve, half lying on the floor and half leaning on the wall by your door frame. You knelt down beside him, trying to figure out how you would get him inside when you noticed the take out carton.

“You brought food?”

Steve chuckled. “Well, I thought it was only polite to show up at your door with a little something to entice you to let me stay.”

“Oh Steve,” You said shaking your head and looking over him. He was beaten and bloodied. You put your arm under his and helped him up. He did most of the work, even bringing the take out box with him. The shield moved easily out of the doorway when Steve moved it with his foot. You got him to the couch and settled him there before going back and closing the door and locking it.

“Does anyone know where you are?”

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go, nowhere that I can still find anyway. I can go if you want,” he said starting to rise. You put your hand on his chest and pushed him back down to the cushions. 

You stood there over him, looking down at his bruised face. You sank to your knees, straddling him on the couch and cupped his face. “I was so worried about you Steve. I saw some things on the news and I’m amazed you can still walk.”

A small smile crossed Steve’s face before it faltered at the sight of your worried face and burgeoning tears. You wrapped your arms around him gently and held him close as he wrapped his arms around you. “Thank you for caring about me,” Steve mumbled into your chest.

You sat there a while holding him, you felt him relax a bit so you decided now was the best time to get him moving and cleaned up. “C’mon Steve. Let’s get you fixed up and then we’ll figure out what to do.”

He reluctantly let you go, watching as you rose to stand before him. He took the hand you offered and you lead him to the bathroom, where you helped him peel off his battle gear after you started a warm bath, quickly adding your own Epsom salts and baking soda mixture, to help soothe his muscles. You helped him work off his gloves and boots, being as gentle as you could seeing him wince with each movement. You got the belt off and undid some of the shirt. There was a lot of velcro, some zippers and a few hidden buttons but you managed to get him free.

Steve insisted on standing to get the rest of the suit off. He knew it was a one-piece affair, despite the zippers and pulls it wasn’t meant to come apart into a top and bottoms as you had started to hope. Once he was undressed you helped him into the bath, stopping the water as you realized that Steve would easily overflow the tub if you let the taps run much longer. He sat there stiffly, waiting for something without saying anything.

“Are you alright Steve?”

You put your hand on his shoulder and he took a deep breath, “I can’t figure out what that smell is.”

He said it so simply, and for a second you were worried that he had a head injury and then you remembered that the Epsom salts had a scent in them. “It’s lavender and sage for relaxation.”

“Ah Sage, that’s what it is. Add some rosemary and thyme and one would think you’d were cooking me.” You both chuckled.

“Well you are a big turkey,” you muttered as he turned to look at you scandalized. You both laughed and it was good to see him smiling so soon after so much had happened. “Sit back Steve.”

He sat back and you reached over, stroking his hair and then started to give him a scalp massage. Steve groaned and leaned further towards you for more. You run your hands expertly across his scalp, up and down, back and forth, push and pull. He shivers a bit and you dip a hand into the water to check the temperature, it’s still warm and your fingers graze him as you do this. Steve gasps and moves a bit forward, as if trying to hide.

“Are you ok?”

“Yea, you’re really good at that,” Steve says placing a hand over yours as you continued the massage.

“Thanks, years of training and practice, well a lot less practice then I’d like but massage if slightly catch as catch can.”

“You can massage me anytime sweat heart.” You chuckled at this and he grasped one of your wists, turning to look at you.

“I’m serious. Your hands are amazing. You, you are amazing.”


	7. A Sort of Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's enjoying himself but he's got something to say.

He stared at you while you searched for something to say that wasn’t self-deprecating or just a thank you. He got up out of the tub, the water sloshed and he stepped deliberately toward you. He was covered in bruises, small cuts and pretty damn aroused. He cupped your face and pulled you into a warm kiss. It’s light but firm and his fingers tighten on your jaw as he breathes and pressed more firmly. You moved into the kiss slowly. You pushed your hands over his chest and around until you were gripping his shoulders, arms along his back and you kissed him back with more heat. He sighed and pulled you closer as his hands moved down your arms and covered your back in seconds.

“Steve, you’re hurt.” You murmured when he flinched at your hand travelled his side.

“You make me feel better, alive.” He said. He recaptured your lips and turned his head slightly, he deepened the kiss. He took a deep breath and pulled you tighter to his body; his hands moved down and played across your back before they moved to your ass. He groaned when his fingers told him you wore no underwear under the long shirt you had on. He picked you up and settled you on the vanity behind you. The movement briefly separated your lip lock, letting you both get some much-needed air. Steve pushed your legs apart so that he could get closer to you before he tilted your head back and kissed you with an intense passion. 

“I was so worried for you. I’m so glad you’re safe. God, how I need you now.” Steve whispered as he trailed kisses across your cheek and down your neck to your shoulder.

“Oh Steve, yes, yes.” You breathed as he squeezed one of your breasts and nipped at your neck and shoulders. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He groaned as his erection moved over your thigh, settling between your legs, along your lower lips. He swallowed and looked deep into your eyes while his forehead pressed to yours. His hands moved slowly along your side, glided quickly to your hips and pulled you up and over his throbbing cock. You gasped at the feel of him spreading you wide, wonderful tingles played throughout your body as Steve looked into your eyes and moved slowly.

He watched your every reaction, moved with a slowness that was so sweet you were surprised that you could be so excited so soon. His tenderness touched something in your heart and you grabbed his head, threading your fingers through his hair as you kissed him with as much passion as you felt in that moment. He leaned you back until your back rested on the mirror that ran the wall behind the vanity. He looked down and watched himself as he pushed in and out of you. The reverent look on his face, the way he breathed even faster as he watched, excited you further. You dug your heels into his ass and pulled him into you as you grabbed his shoulders and bit his neck.

He grabbed the hem of the shirt you had on and pulled it up and off of your body. Steve dropped it on the vanity beside you as he kissed at your neck and made his way down to your breasts. You moaned and arched into his lips as he continued his paced thrusting. Pleasure washed over you as you ground against Steve, you dug your fingernails into his shoulders as he quickened his pace and your g-spot reacted to his pressure as his thickness passed over it.

The room filled with both of your moans, sigh, grunts and sobs as the smell of sex grew stronger and your bodies collided while you both strained for pleasure. Steve whispered your name as he pistoned himself jaggedly into your warmth, the stuttered to a halt as you orgasmed and your cunt milked his cock dry. You held each other tightly, as ragged breaths tore out of your chests. You felt Steve moving slowly as you both lowered to rest against the mirror. It was an odd angle but you cradled his head to your chest and relaxed into running your hands through his hair. Steve chuckled slightly, grabbed you and started walking to the bedroom with you in his arms. You squealed, unused to the sensation of being carried, and Steve laughed out loud.

He managed to get you into the bedroom and deposits you on the bed before he walked away. You started to call for him when you heard the fridge as it opened and closed. Steve returned with glasses of water for you both. “I put the take out in the fridge, no one needs to get sick. More water?”

He stood attentively by the side of the bed. He looked down at you but in the darkened room you couldn’t read his expression. You just wanted him close so you held your hand out and he took it. Steve helped you to stand and you folded the blankets back, crawled under them and then turned and waited for him to follow. He chuckled a bit and dove in after you, pulling the covers up as he embraced you roughly. He planted a hard kiss on your mouth that softened to something gentle and wistful. You held him tightly, playing your fingers through his hair until he started to relax.

Steve let out a huff of air and rolled onto his back as he released you from his embrace. You propped yourself up on an elbow and looked down at him. Your eyes had adjusted to the darkness a bit now and you saw that his face looked tense and worried. You reached out and rubbed the frown line between his eyebrows and Steve’s gaze flickered to you.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said quietly.


	8. Making the Hard Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Steve decides that things are getting too dangerous.

“Why would you hurt me?”

“I’m an Avenger now. People will be looking for ways to get at me, to hurt me. If anyone finds out about you, us; they could hurt you because of me.”

“Well Steve,” You sighed. “Unfortunately that can happen to anyone. Avenger or not.”

“I’d say that those other people don’t go into these situations knowing what I know. I’ve lost so many people already, I can’t lose you. You’re my only friend.” Steve looked at you and you could feel the pleading in his eyes. He wanted you to understand what he was saying, to know what he meant.

“I’m not sure I’m following you, Steve.”

“I can’t be your boyfriend or even your lover. It’s not safe for you, you don’t have training for the kinds of people that I can bring into your life and I don’t want you to have to deal with them either. I want good things for you, I want to save the world just for you. So that you can be happy and live a wonderful life.” He explained, sitting up. He took your hands in his and squeezed them trying to emphasize his point.

“I never asked you to be my boyfriend Steve. We’re already lovers though, so you’re saying that you want this to stop?” You heard your voice crack with the effort you were making to understand why Steve had even come back.

“I want to protect you, from everything, even me. Especially from the people that will come after me. I can take anything in the universe if I know that you are safe and I can’t keep you safe. I couldn’t get anywhere near you today. I couldn’t call, I couldn’t send anyone. There’s a 12-foot hole in your building. You could have been crushed, you could have died and there isn’t a thing I could have done to save you.”

Steve’s voice was loud and panicked now. He gripped your hands so tightly as the tears rolled from his eyes. His entire body shook with the effort he was making to hold himself together and it broke your heart. He was telling you the only truth he knew, and it was tearing him apart. You gently pried your hands free of his grasp and cupped his face in your hands. You used your thumbs and brushed away his tears and he hiccuped out a sob and pulled you tightly to his chest.

You hurriedly put your arms around him. He shook and bawled like a baby. You held him and stroked his back and hair. You rocked him and told him it was ok, to let it all out. He clung to you as if his life depended on it, and the hours disappeared as he cried for everything he lost, the life he wanted but would never have, the people he wanted to help and save that he felt he’d failed. He wept and whispered about his pain. You listened to it all. You tried hard not to but you cried with him off and on. He had so much pain and anger, he was scared and felt so alone. He needed someone to hear him and not be judgemental, not keep track and store the information for later. He wanted you to know he was a broken man and he had nothing to offer but more pain and suffering; that’s what the man in your arms firmly believed.

You listened and you replied that Steve had so much more to offer then pain and suffering. That he was strong and brave. That he stood up for those who couldn’t do that for themselves. He was very needed and more than that he was very loved. You said it over and over until Steve calmed. He started to breathe a bit easier and relaxed his grip a tiny bit, he snuggled into your chest like a large child and you wiped his tears away. Steve stayed that way for a while before you yawned and he did too. He helped you to lie down in a position that let him keep you close to him and he flung his leg over your hips for more security. You heard his breathing as he fell asleep, it deepened and you relaxed. You felt like you had just fallen asleep yourself when Steve’s nightmare woke you again.

He flailed and cried out, you caught his arm and ran a hand across his chest as you told him he was safe and that he was dreaming. It took a few minutes but he calmed and you were able to lie back down to sleep. I took a while before you nodded off again. When you woke in the morning there was an empty space where Steve had been. He was gone, uniform, boots, gloves, shield. All traces that he had ever been there were gone, except for the letter he left on the kitchen table. It was too long to be called a note. He had nice handwriting, you had to give him that. The letter rambled and outlined the reasons Steve felt that he didn’t deserve to put you in danger. He repeated how important you were in his life, and how he hoped you could forgive him for hurting you. He didn’t talk at all about his breakdown, instead, he focused on the idea he held that you were better off without him. That your safety and happiness were all that he wished for, and he understood if you didn’t want to speak to him again. He signed it ‘Hopefully still your friend- Steve’.

You found that he had eaten some of the take-out before he left, but there was enough for you to eat and it satisfied your stomach that you weren’t starving. You looked out the window and decided that the view of ruined buildings was pretty accurate for how you felt as well. You were tired of ending up alone, no matter how good the man’s intentions. It hurt that Steve had just snuck away and you weren’t sure why he wouldn’t tell you face to face. 

As you brooded about it you realized that he left when he had because he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave you otherwise. You turned and went back to the bedroom wondering if you’d see Steve again and if you’d remember to ask where he’d gotten the delicious Shwarma from. It crossed your mind that you could ask Tony, but he’d so far not asked about finding Steve with you before and you didn’t want to prompt an interrogation now, so you pushed it out of your mind as you crawled into bed and tried to go back to sleep. You knew no one would comfort you when the bad dreams came, and that you were tired of not having someone who stayed. 

You suddenly weren’t sure that you would be able to talk to Steve again, as it bothered you that right now he seemed to have taken away your faith in finding a good man by slinking out and leaving that letter. You had thought better of Steve, no matter how your mind told you that he was still a good man and you were still worthy of someone better your heart said that if Captain America didn’t want you then no one else would.

You fell asleep as the acidic tears of self-hate flowed. You wished you had never been so stupid as to get involved with Steve Rogers. You wished that you had a harder heart and that you hadn’t wasted your time comforting him and caring about him. Unfortunately, you knew you would do it all again because that is what you do. You cared too much and tried too hard and usually got hurt the most. You had wanted things to be different this time, but you didn’t get that lucky. You fell asleep praying to finally get lucky enough to be something to someone, to be lucky enough to have someone stay with you.


	9. The Way of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time you see Steve after he leaves you high and dry.

I hadn’t talked Steve since he had abruptly decided that I was too precious to be in his life. After the attack on New York Tony had insisted that I be moved closer to where ever he was certain was most secure. That put me in a building with the Avengers. Tony introduced me to everyone that came through the building and it was kind of getting out of hand how many people suddenly needed to see me at all hours of the night and day for massages, meditation or just to talk. 

I had seen Steve outside of the training room several times. He usually had his sketchbook too. He would come after class started and leave before I was able to get anywhere near the door to say anything to him. I could feel his eyes on me during the class and at first, it made me angry; now it just made me incredibly sad. It seemed to me like Steve was torturing himself by seeing me from afar and I didn’t understand why he would do that.

I ended up with Natasha Romanoff, Melinda May and Maria Hill in my yoga classes. They were as regular as they could be with the daily demands of their jobs weighing on them as they did. Occasionally Phil Coulson would join Melinda, he always insisted that I not call him Agent and I agreed after a stern look from Melinda. It became obvious to me that Phil only came to classes that Maria and Natasha didn’t attend after Natasha had to leave one about five minutes in and then Phil appeared. It happened again with Maria being the one to leave at the beginning of class and Phil appearing again after she left. I didn’t ask about it, but it was something that I filed away for later. Noticing that the pattern continued on, but it never seemed to be one of the women appearing after Phil got called away.

Tony came by my office often to talk, mostly about nothing that I understood, but I think it helped him to relax. Pepper came by occasionally to yoga to make sure that I wasn’t a threat to their relationship I supposed since she never spoke to me or anyone else. She just stayed in the back and stared at me as she did the routine.

That changed after Pepper got attacked and though Tony called me to explain why he would be out of touch, I didn’t quite understand what had happened to Pepper or how Tony thought he could fix it. All he really emphasized during his intermittent calls at the time was that Pepper could be fixed. When he got back he and Pepper were on a break and Tony pretty much refused to talk about what had happened, only saying that he was glad to see me and that he wanted me to learn rehab medicine, to make me even more valuable to the cause. He insisted on paying and I was more than happy to take the classes, I loved to learn.

It wasn’t easy to keep up the hours for classes and massages, but I managed to cut the schedule down enough that I still had something resembling free time while I helped the people that had become work friends. There was nothing else to call our relationships. I heard about their lives and cares and concerns only in classes or during massages, but we were friends because we had spent so much time together and shared so much. For the most part, everyone supported my changes and the reasons behind them. A few people thought I should just stop and focus full time on my studies, but that wasn’t me. I had always worked and gone to school and didn’t see this time as anything different than the times before had been.

I pretty much missed all the excitement surrounding the discovery that Steve’s old friend Bucky was still alive and only heard about things second hand from Clint, who himself had heard through Natasha. It bothered me that Steve hadn’t told me himself, but he was probably unprepared to deal with that information. Considering how he had dealt with his feelings towards me it made sense that he didn’t start talking to everyone around him about Bucky and his being alive. The discovery of Bucky did bring some small contact though. Steve started to email me asking mostly about meditation techniques for dealing with anxiety. I sent him some links to websites and casually asked him if he needed to talk, but he didn’t respond to the question so I let it go.

I wasn’t in D.C. and didn't see much of the events that unravelled S.H.I.E.L.D. and took down the Avengers Initiative, but I did spend a little time being shuttled around by Maria Hill. I was in the underground bunker when Steve and Natasha found out Fury was still alive. Up until that point, I hadn’t known that Fury was presumed dead by the world. I had been picked up and transported on site from a Starbucks after work one day. I wasn’t expecting to see Maria and I was a bit confused when she insisted that Director Fury needed my help, but I had spent so much time working with people from S.H.I.E.L.D and Stark Industries that I wasn’t too surprised that I would be requested. Often I wasn't sure which people belonged to what organization. I did know Nick well enough to understand why he would have asked for me, especially since he would have known about my rehab training, and I soon found that he was in need of a lot of rehab at that point.

I was upstairs from where Fury was resting in bed when I heard the voices. Fury was talking to a woman, then I heard Steve’s voice. I froze. I didn’t know what to do, especially since Fury continued his conversation with “I wasn’t sure who to trust.” I had a feeling that if Steve saw me then it would only make our awkward current relationship even worse. I stayed where I was as I listened to them talking. They moved into another part of the bunker and I was able to come downstairs and sneak into another area where Steve wouldn’t come looking for me. 

A bit later Natasha appeared and I worked with the doctor Fury had on site to treat her gunshot wound. She didn’t know about Steve and I so I wasn’t worried about her telling him I was there. She joked with me about not doing yoga for a while, and I said she was welcome to come to any class she wanted to and we’d make sure we modified everything to take the weight off her sore shoulder. She smiled at me and said it would probably be a while before she could make a class and that as soon as she had a chance she would definitely be there. She stopped on her way out and told me she wanted to go get coffee sometime, she needed more friends. I nodded and told her anytime.

As she left someone else entered. He was a new friend of Steve’s, or so he told the doctor and I fought down a twinge of jealousy about being replaced. I didn't think that Steve and Sam, that was his name, were lovers, but even if they were it was none of my business or concern. Steve had walked away from me and my friendship. Getting jealous that he'd found other people to be friendly with wasn’t going to do me any good. I smiled at Sam as I handed the doctor some bandages for his cuts and scrapes. He didn’t want his ribs wrapped, even though the doctor was sure at least one was cracked. I almost died when I turned around and saw Steve standing there, he didn’t look happy to see me when his initial surprise wore off.


	10. Confrontation and Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you move on when your heart's hurting?

I thought he had decided it wasn’t worth talking to me about when he walked around me and started talking to Sam. I didn’t register what they were saying as I tried to act normally, cleaning up the area and talking with the doctor for instructions on Sam’s care. The doctor walked away and I went to follow him as far as the makeshift dispensary when Steve caught my arm and pulled me aside. I looked around in time to see Sam had left and we were alone.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Hello, Steve. How are you, Steve. Nice to see you after so long Steve,” came my bitter reply. Steve just glared at me.

“I don’t have time for this. Answer my question.” Steve had never used this tone with me and I realized it must be his Captain voice, but I was angry and I wasn’t impressed or afraid of a tone.

“I don’t really care Steve. You walked out of my life and haven’t cared to check on me since. I don’t owe you anything.”

“You owe me an explanation. The world thought, I thought Fury was dead. How the hell did you end up being someone he could trust over me?”

“I don’t know Steve. I had no idea Fury was supposedly dead until now. I was brought here to do rehab work, the rest of this is just an extra treat,” I hissed back at him. He had the good grace to look a bit ashamed but he continued to hold my arm tightly, keeping me in place.

“There must be more to it than that. What are you not telling me?”

“There are many things I am not telling you, Steve. Many things I don’t tell anyone, even about you. Now I have a job to do, so go away Steve. Go on, forget about me like you have for the past 2 years.”

“I didn’t forget about you,” He said quietly letting me wrest my arm from his grip. He looked at the floor and sighed. “I’m sorry, you should know that.”

“Of all the things your letter said Steve, sorry wasn’t one of them. You haven’t said that until right now. Goodbye Steve,” I said walking away as fast as I could without actually running.

Since Steve now knew I was there, I wasn’t shy about taking Sam his pain meds. Fury stopped me and asked me for something and I went to get it. I had to pass Steve on the way back to give Fury his request, and I handed Natasha a bottle of meds as well. The three of them, Steve, Sam and Natasha were heading out again with Maria. Fury made me stand by to take him back to his room, he wasn’t steady on his feet as of yet and we had to get him ready for travel in the next few hours. I could feel Steve watching us as we went and I knew he was trying to figure out how close I was with Fury. If I had been watching him for Fury while we together or if I had told Fury about the night he left me.

I felt bad that I didn’t handle myself better earlier with him, but I honestly didn’t have the emotional maturity to not be mad at his behaviour. If he hadn’t been so pushy I might have told him everything I felt he should know, but as it was I hadn’t told him anything.

Two days later I was sitting by Steve’s bedside at 3 in the morning telling him everything. He had been found on the bank Potomac after the destruction of the hellicarriers and he was in rough shape. He’d been shot repeatedly and was still unconscious after surgery. I held his hand and watched his heart monitor. It seemed to change just a slight bit when I spoke to him and I wanted to believe it meant that my voice registered with him. Of course, it was probably just my sleep deprivation and stress making me think I saw a reaction. I wanted Steve to wake up and look at me, even if it was with the steel he'd had in his eyes that last time we spoke. I left when the day staff came on, updating them on his condition as he was the only person on the floor. Fury was in hiding, as was Natasha and I hadn’t yet seen Sam again.

I heard talk that Bucky had been the one to shoot Steve, but other people said it was the Winter Soldier and still others said it was some Hydra agent. All I knew was that Steve was doing well enough after surgery, all he had to do was wake up and he’d probably be the same as he always was. Every test they ran showed he was in perfect health, so it was a waiting game to see if and when the super part of him kicked in and brought him back. I had volunteered to do the overnights on the floor even before I knew it was Steve I'd be watching. Fury had had me taken out of the bunker the night after he left and I didn’t get far before we were rerouted to a Stark building. Maria dropped me off saying she was off to do business and hoped that Tony was on the ball and would get me home soon. Tony was preoccupied when I spoke with him but he said all I had to do was call when I was ready to get back to work and he’d get me back to New York and bill whatever was replacing S.H.I.E.L.D. as he was sure something would.

I didn’t have much time for sleep but I managed to get a little bit in between worrying about what was happening and Steve. Since I wasn’t actually part of S.H.I.E.L.D. I wasn’t listed in anything that had been released onto the internet. People were being notified if their names or information were found in the documents Natasha had released. JARVIS had called and told me that I was not affected. I had been sitting in a meeting room with about 20 other people, some of whom got calls right then too and some were less fortunate than I was. Anyone who was listed on the internet was taken off to organize their new life story and list the people closest who would be affected by their sudden disappearance. I didn’t envy them at all, and I hoped that S.H.I.E.L.D. was just being overprotective of those people and that there wouldn’t be any horrible events focused on them or their families.

Even as I thought that I was sure that even Steve would think I was being terribly naive and take pains to explain to me that this was the exact situation that he had left to protect me from. Just thinking of Steve made me sad and I wanted to leave. Since I had been informed I was safe, I was allowed to go at any time and I found myself shuffling into a room full of cots and collapsing on one praying to fall asleep. I finally did. I even got enough sleep to feel less like a zombie for my overnight on Steve’s floor.


	11. Resurrection?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes traumatic experiences can bring people together, or can they?

I picked up the chart and took it with me as I went to look in on Steve and found him looking right at me. If I had read the chart I would have known that he was awake and I wouldn’t have been standing there slack-jawed and shocked that he smiled when he saw me. I was even more stunned that he held his hand out to me and asked me to come in. I felt myself moving towards his bed and I wondered why it was so easy for me to act like the past didn’t matter, but I thought it had something to do with the fact he was in a hospital and had been unconscious.

He waited patiently while I managed to get my hand free of the chart I had a death grip on, and I managed to take his hand. He squeezed it smiled at me, a smile I had seen on his face before in the privacy of my house.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He croaked and I pulled my hand free so I could put the chart down and get him some water. He watched me and sipped the water as I directed, without complaint. His eyes smiled at me the entire time. “I wanted, I want you to be safe, from all of this.”

He motioned over himself and looked back at me. He looked so defeated all I could do was nod at him. I was worried that I would start crying and maybe he would too. He reached for my hand again and I took his and squeezed it. I stood there for a bit and we just stared at each other. Eventually, he moved over on the bed and pulled my arm to draw me loser. I climbed into the bed beside him and he pulled me closer. He stroked a hand over my hair and cheek as he looked into my eyes.

“I had a dream that you were telling me that I was the only person you wouldn’t tell on. That you would keep my whole life a secret. It didn’t make a lot of sense but I believe that maybe it was my mind telling me you were here watching over me.”

“I was. I held your hand and told you I would never tell anyone about you, that I would keep all your secrets no matter what.”

“I know you would never betray me. I know you love me. I love you too. I would never do anything to harm you. I know you think I betrayed you when I left that morning. I didn’t want to talk to you about it because I didn’t want you to get your hopes up, thinking that maybe I could come back. It’s important that you are safe. Especially now that I know Bucky is still alive. I have to go find him, I have to help him and there will be many people who don’t want that to happen. Who won’t want me to find him and will do anything to make sure I don’t.”

“I think you place too much value on me, Steve.”

“I know you don’t put enough value on yourself. Sam met you once and hasn’t stopped talking about you. Natasha has been trying to get me to meet her yoga instructor for ages and even Coulson kept telling me he knew a great gal for me. When he told me it was you and I almost choked on my coffee. Everyone in my world knows that you are perfect for me and I can’t lose that. I need you to be ok, and alive and happy. Yours is the only life I can protect now and I won’t stop.”

I could hear the tears in his voice as he spoke, he had rolled me into his chest and tucked his head over mine, kissing myr hair as he finished speaking. I would have to move to look at his face and I could tell he wasn’t going to let that happen by the way he held me. I listened to his heart beating and felt incredibly sad. Before I even realized it, tears were running down my face and Steve was rubbing my back, rocking me and telling me it was going to be ok. He kissed my hair again and again as I cried and whimpered into this chest, trying to get myself under control and not make anything worse.

“Talk to me, sweetheart. Even if it hurts, tell me what you need to say.”

“I’m just tired Steve,” I sobbed. “Tired of being alone. Everyone leaves me, Steve. Even you. It hurts. It makes me feel like I’m just not good enough.”

“Oh, sweetheart. You’re better than good enough. I’m always going to be here for you. We’re friends and we always will be. I can’t offer you more than that, and I wish I hadn’t taken advantage of you before all of this. If I had restrained myself you wouldn’t feel so bad. I just had to have you. I hope you can forgive my selfishness.”

I grabbed onto his hospital gown, pulling myself closer to his chest and trying hard to disappear. He held me close, as tightly as he could, in an effort to comfort me. I desperately wanted to not be there, being so close and honest with him was so painful but I realized that I needed it as well. I needed closure. I needed to be able to tell him how I felt about all this and it helped that he was responding to me, that he was listening and taking me seriously. He stroked his hands over my back, trying to calm me down. Just as my crying fit had come on it went away. I relaxed in Steve’s arms and he loosened his grip. 

“I’m sorry Steve. I hate crying, I hate making you feel worse about all of this.”

“It’s fine sweetheart. Don’t be sorry for how you feel, I’m glad you told me. You can always talk to me and I will do my best talk to you. I’m not good at it, but you make it so much easier for me than I ever thought it could be.”

I sat up and looked at him. His eyes were red and puffy. I’m sure that mine mirrored his. We smiled weakly at each other and somehow sharing our awkwardness made the tension between us drop and Steve took a deep breath then encouraged me to do the same. I watched him carefully, noticing that he was flinching a bit with each breath, his ribs must be hurting him something fierce. I put my hand on his side and he looked down at it before his eyes flicked back to mine.

“Are you ok Steve? I can get you some Tylenol or something stronger. You don’t have to tough it out, I won’t tell anyone that you needed some pain medication.” He smiled and huffed out a breath. He nodded and I got out of the bed and checked his chart. I found the recommended drug and dosage and went to get him some. He was waiting for me, a glass of water in hand when I returned. I handed him the paper cup with the pills and watched him take them. He even opened his mouth and rolled his tongue around to prove that he had swallowed the pills. I grinned at his display and he smiled back with a faint blush. He held his hand out and I took it, allowing him to pull me towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.


End file.
